I love…Fridays!!!

I love…COD4!  Ever since updating my ingame console configuration to maximize my FPS, I’m killing everyone!!!  Don’t get me wrong, I was good before.  BUT THIS IS HILARIOUS!  I’m taking down people who used to own me all the time.  It wasn’t a lack of skill, it was hardware.  Good hardware always make skills better (Re: My awesome bod).

I love…Dinosaurs!  If you read my wife’s blog, you definitely know what I’m talking about.

I love…Going to work on days when I get paid.  Not any other day.

I love…pistachios!  My lips are starting to crack from all the salt on them, but what the hay.  I love them!

I love…Eating said pistachios super loudly and annoying my wife with it.  How does one eat pistachios loudly you ask?  Skills and an awesome bod.

I love…that this is the end of my first blog in a very long time.

What do you love today?

My wife, the masochist.

This is in response to my wife’s blog, “I fell out of a hot tub and survived to tell the tale”.  I begin my response by saying that she is a liar.  She did not fall out of a hot tub.  She fell into my fist.  Several times.  Unlike my wife, I will tell you how it all REALLY went down.

We were just about to watch Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince.  She was all like, “No, I don’t wanna watch that.”

I won’t stand for any mutiny in my honeymoon cabin, so I smacked her good.

…

In the elbow.  I guess I showed her.

After that we went upstairs to play some pool. (billiards)  And I am  WAY better than her.  Well, every time I looked over the balcony to watch Harry Potter, I noticed that she would make her shots.  But NOT when I was watching.  So I did a little investigating work.  I looked in the window that was across from the pooltable and saw her cheating in the reflection!  How dare she!

I wasn’t about to let that one slip.  You know women folk.  Give’m an inch, they take a mile.  Better to not let them talk back once, less they think they rule the world or something.  Equality.  What a joke.

Back to the pool.  She “won” the game and I put on my best face.  I smiled real bright and and exclaimed, “Congratulations sweety, you won!”  I held my arms open so she would come hug me.  It was a trap you see.  A brilliant trap that only a man could think up.  And right as she came closer I did a uppercut right into her ribs.  Never saw it comin’.  Then I spit in her eye.  And told her to go get me some waffle fries.  And a drink.  For free.

EXHIBIT A

EXHIBIT B

Pornbot funchattings.

Call me silly, but I enjoy this kinda thing.  Talking with bots.  I think they’re the funniest kind of people.  Read it and weep.

Walter says: hi?

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: hey

Walter says: Who’s you?

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: think we chatted before right?

Walter says: Not exactly sure. I’ve got the worst memory ever.

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: i’m sorry i get to be forgetful at times!! how’re you?

Walter says: Not so bad, you selling me something?

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: i’m 24/f ……u?

Walter says: Not the answer I was looking for, you know.

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: nice, I just got out of the shower and finally got some time to relax ..what are you up to?

Walter says: Oh just sodomizing a large rodent. Loads of fun if you can get accustomed to large balls of fur being lodged into your throat. You know. The usual.

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: cc is just to verify age..you’ll get in for free through my page!

Walter says: Oh really!!!?? That’s the most fantastic news I’ve ever heard!

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: Nice..I’m feeling a little naughty ..lol..U?

Walter says: u gave me link nao! X(

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says: Its http://twurl.nl/7x383c just accept my cam invite,

Walter says: not has tell me twice! *scurries off like a woodland creature*

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says:

dimple_kibbles5606@hotmail.com says:

Yeah I’m horny lol ..sorry if that’s forward ..is that cool?

Walter says: I love it when women have no respect for themselves or their bodies. It makes me hotter than anything else. Wanna see my ‘O’ face?

No BS. The real low down.

Me, being a man; and knowing quite a few other men, I can tell you that for the most part what we want.  I know you’ve read something similar to this no telling how many times.  Whether it be under the title of “10 things men want out of their significant other” or those “10 things women wish their man knew”.  That’s too many things for us.  We’re easy.  Simple.  Guess what ladies, you’re complex.  It’s not within most of you to understand how simple we really are.  It will never make sense to some of you out there.  That’s why I’m here, and you’re here; to read what I gotta say.  Why you’re reading what I’ve got to say is pure madness and you are obviously desperate for knowledge.  On second thought, you’ve come to the wrong place.  I hope you’ll stay and read anyways.

Respect.  I was stunned when I discovered this within myself, kind of like a few things I’ve been carrying around with me my whole life and didn’t realize it until I sat down just now.  When I see a woman who is dressed all “sexy/hot/sleazy” and expects a purely sexual response, I take it as a sign of disrespect.  What do I look like?  Some sort of animal that sees a piece of meat and starts slathering at the mouth?  I do not have two brains.  I have a brain, and a penis.  My brain thinks, my penis doesn’t.  I am in complete control of myself..  Don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions about me.  Especially if it’s negative.  Don’t expect the worst out of your man.  If you’re together with him and you know he loves you; odds are he means the best.  If he says something that offends you, ask him to clarify.  Respect your man to be more than the dirtbags of your past.  Out of the past 10 times I’ve gotten mad at least 8 times  it’s been because I felt disrespected.

Confirmation/Approval.  We’re alot less comfortable in our skin than you think.  Want to know why when men get together they talk about how big their junk is?  Because they’re afraid.  Afraid of not being good enough.  Want to know why men boast and compare “war stories” and scars?  We’re afraid of not being good enough, and that scares us.  Don’t build us up with fake boosts to our ego.  That crap is just that.  Crap.  Eventually we’ll see through it and feel like you don’t really care enough about what we think, even if it’s about ourselves (see #1).  Compliments or letting us know what you like you like about us is one thing, but flattery is dumb.

This one is totally me.  I’m sure deep down alot of men are the same way, but were never treated the same as a child.  You know the story.  The boy fell and scratched his knees up real bad and the father told him to toughen up.  Well…I didn’t have a father.  So I love…Affection.  In all aspects.  I don’t mean just sex (which is always great, btw; i’ll discuss this in a minute or 2, depending on how fast you read).  The whole hand holding thing.  I’m down with it.  My wife is washing dishes,  (read: unlikely) time for an appreciative kiss on the back of her neck or shoulder.  Wait.  Bad example.  Talking about guys here, not my insatiable need to snog the wife.  Hmm…I’ve lost my train of thought.  Be with you in a minute.

(an hour and a half actually does pass)

Anyways, I guess this blog is over.  I’m drawing nothing but blanks.  Good day folks!  Don’t forget some feedback.  And by feedback don’t go to my facebook page and just click “like”.  That’s lame.  *cough*Nicole!*cough*

Dreamtime

In a dream I had a few months ago Jaime was having the worst day ever.  Everything seemed to be going wrong for(to) her.  It’s been some time, so I don’t remember everything about the dream.  All I really remember now is that I put all of my happiness into this sphere/ball thing.  It was about the size of a basketball.  It went something like this.

Me:          ”Hey, Jaime!  Catch!”
Jaime:     *not paying attention*  “What?”  *the ball of happiness smacks her right in the face*
Me:        ”You were supposed to catch it and press it into your chest, it’ll make you happy!  Your heart should have absorbed it!”
Jaime:  (See picture)

I love this dream, and hope I continue to have ones like these.

I love…Fridays.

I love…Fridays!

I love…talking to the Ugandans down at the South ECP.  We have all sorts of conversations.  Why whoopin’ your children is good.  The differences of United States and Uganda.  Even if they keep telling me that if I were to ever visit I would never leave.  “You leave your wife and marry a Uganda, broman; what what!”  Their phrases are hilarious.  “What what” evidently means “whatever/so-so/sort of”.

I love…The Lake House.  I haven’t seen the movie in about a year, but it’s still such a good movie.  It was one of the last movies I sat down and watched with my Mama.  I had my legs propped onto her lap.  I’m such a mama’s boy. <3

I love…Tenacious D’s song “Fuck her gently.”  It’s funny and…sentimental?

I love…whispering while on the skype to my wife in the mornings (it’s nighttime for her).  It makes me feel closer to her, and sometimes I can feel her near me.  My body gets all warm and fuzzy.  *swoon*

I love…my cousin, Wesley.  I miss him saying to me, “Teach me something, Walter.”  Then I would teach him anything he wanted to know.  If I didn’t know anything about what he was asking, I would research it over the internet.  We were both learning new things and opening our minds to different ideas.  Hooray for boobies!  Or learning.  Whatev.

I love…BACON!!!  I had a bacon sammich yesterday and it was the king of the dancehall.

I love…that I talked with Ben the other day on MSN.  We played Neopets and fought our pets in the battle arena!  It sucked that mine did nothing and just stood there…but Oh well!  That’s life.

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Friday!

Ode to SnuSnu

I thought of this earlier today when I was at work listening to some music and wanting some SnuSnu.  I left it back in my can and felt sad ALL DAY!

Honey why are you calling me so late?
It’s kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?
I gotta whisper cause I can’t be too loud

Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s funny that you’re calling me tonight
And yes I’ve dreamt of you too
And does he know you’re talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No I don’t think she has a clue

And I never wanna say goodbye
You make it hard to be faithful

26 Jan ’10

I would like to start off saying that I love myself.  Probably more than any person should.  Whatev.

No matter how much I love myself though, I can’t be confident in my looks.  Even if I know I’m handsome, it’s not enough.  I look good, yeah…but I can’t compare to those “Hollywood Good Looks”.  I never will.

I love…Fridays!

I love this new (to me) look that I do. When someone is saying something I sort of just lower my head and look over the rim of my glasses and do this blank stare. It’s good for a laugh. If I’ve ever done it before, I didn’t notice.

I love dinosaurs. I watched Jurassic Park III earlier today and it was much more awesomer than the second one. The raptors talked!!!

I love my wife. She is so cool! She will deny it of course. What’s that sayin’? The wise admit they know nothing, and fools claim to know everything? Which proves her spectacularocity.

Zombies. Nuf said. I can’t wait to see what sort of new zombie movie comes out next. I’m getting all giddy just thinking about it. *swoon*

I love that I’m so blessed by God. In all aspects of my life. He truly is the man. Without Him, nothing would be possible.

What gets you through the week?

Halloween

I’ve done gone and done it again.

I figured out FINALLY what I want to for Halloween this year.  But first, I need to set the mood.

The air is cool and still, though a rustling of the trees can still be heard.  From the downstairs den, you can hear a soft pawing at the windows from the bushes that you keep telling your wife that you will trim.  In your office upstairs you can hear children laughing from outside and then…silence.  The silence that could only be described as eerie and dark.  Deep in your throat there is a knot that you just can’t seem to swallow.  Mustering all of your courage you finally slap your office desk just to prove a point and make your way downstairs.  The candles from the jack-o-lantern that you helped your son make shines through the glass of your front door windows.  You open the door and there stands the scariest thing you have ever seen in your life…One of those…*shudders*…Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints guys.

So this Halloween when you think that there are only children outside looking to have some of your treats, it could be me.  Standing prim and proper in black slacks with the matching tie and a freshly ironed white shirt.  But for some evil reason…I will be wearing a brown belt and black shoes.  Just to throw you off.