My wife, the masochist.

This is in response to my wife’s blog, “I fell out of a hot tub and survived to tell the tale”.  I begin my response by saying that she is a liar.  She did not fall out of a hot tub.  She fell into my fist.  Several times.  Unlike my wife, I will tell you how it all REALLY went down.

We were just about to watch Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince.  She was all like, “No, I don’t wanna watch that.”

I won’t stand for any mutiny in my honeymoon cabin, so I smacked her good.

…

In the elbow.  I guess I showed her.

After that we went upstairs to play some pool. (billiards)  And I am  WAY better than her.  Well, every time I looked over the balcony to watch Harry Potter, I noticed that she would make her shots.  But NOT when I was watching.  So I did a little investigating work.  I looked in the window that was across from the pooltable and saw her cheating in the reflection!  How dare she!

I wasn’t about to let that one slip.  You know women folk.  Give’m an inch, they take a mile.  Better to not let them talk back once, less they think they rule the world or something.  Equality.  What a joke.

Back to the pool.  She “won” the game and I put on my best face.  I smiled real bright and and exclaimed, “Congratulations sweety, you won!”  I held my arms open so she would come hug me.  It was a trap you see.  A brilliant trap that only a man could think up.  And right as she came closer I did a uppercut right into her ribs.  Never saw it comin’.  Then I spit in her eye.  And told her to go get me some waffle fries.  And a drink.  For free.

EXHIBIT A

EXHIBIT B